This weekend I was reminded that there are times in our lives, bad and good, when an experience, a moment defies words. We groan in the morning when the alarm clock goes off and you swear somebody set the clock forward. You “ohhhh” after a stretching. When the hot water from the shower is hitting you in the face or on your back, you “aahhhh.” You “grrr” when you look at the clock yet again and you’re now running late.
We whistle when we’re happy, we sigh when we’re melancholy, we grunt when we work out, we “mmmhmhmhmm” when eating something amazing, we “awwww” when we sympathize and we “ewwww!” when we’re disgusted by something. The list goes on and on because some things just defy our language.
But then we have those experiences that hits us right in the heart and we can not verbally speak. Those moments when you could have pages upon pages of things you have to say but struggle to make out actual sentences because you’re trying to say it all at once. When the pain you feel is so great that all you can do is scream. When the grief is beating you down to the point that all you can do is cry.
I always remember a personal incident about 3 years back after a night of drinking in Fort Collins with a few friends that went into the better part of the morning. I passed out on the floor for a couple of hours (there were no furniture in the living room since it was moving out week) already in a, I’m going to go ahead and say it, jealous mood and I proceeded to exit the apartment and get in my truck and drive back down to Loveland. I screamed at the top of my lungs in long spurts all the way home, shaking the wheel as if I was trying to rip it right out… I use this as a reminder to myself to not let myself get that way again, because I got over it. Yes I felt horrible that next day but it eased off each day after and it became a moot point.
In a previous blog: I Don’t Know Who I Am, I talked about things that built up to a night where I just let go. This made me realize that the mindset of holding on makes one strong is not always the case…. sometimes it’s letting go
Throughout our lives we are going to come across these moments where you’re speechless but have everything to say. Sit back, relax…. you are surrounded with people who care for you, even if you do not know it or see it. How many times have you felt like you are all alone in the world? Do I actually have friends? You second guess good moments in your life as flukes or teases…. and then all of a sudden you receive a phone call, a text message, a facebook chat message, a knock on your door from your best friend, your brother, your sister, your mom, your dad…or the girl/boy you are crushing on. Maybe all it is was a simple “Hello!” or “What up boo”. Or getting invited over to hang out, grab dinner, throw a frisbee around. And you smile and your day is made and suddenly you forgot what you were worried about.
Go ahead and scream when you need to. Let those tears come down. Make words up in anger or grief or even pure happiness. Then turn to your friends, your family. Tell them you love them more than they love you. Hug them too tight. Laugh like no one is around. Just be yourself. Remember that though they don’t say it every day, because honestly you know you don’t either, you are just as valuable in their lives as they are in yours. Things don’t happen just to one person so I know we have all had that moment where you are in a group of your friends or maybe just one of them and you have like an out-of-body experience where you see what is in your life. You smile and have no words to describe it…your smile is the best word for that moment. Maybe even they see that smile and ask you what you’re smiling about, you don’t have to say anything. Just say “nothing”, because that moment benefits you. But once you go your own ways for the night, let them know you love them. Say “see you later” instead of “good-bye”. Slap them in the ass and say “Good game” even though it makes no sense because you know it’s going to get a chuckle.
Every one has someone to turn to. Make that turn.