….They Long To Be Close To You

She’s just not that into you…

…if she says she has a boyfriend. Dude sees girl. Dude thinks girl is pretty. Dude wants girl’s number.  So said dude bugs the girl’s friends for her number but she tells them to tell him that she has a boyfriend.  Dude doesn’t believe the friends or still does not care, and continues to persist.  Even if the girl just straight out tells us herself that  “sorry I have a boyfriend” we will sometimes still persist.  If the girl has to revert to using one of her guy friends to pretend to be her boyfriend, we should by now really get the hint. Even if the signs are apparent that she does not have a boyfriend, she’s doing everything she can to make it seem like she does have a boyfriend.  Clearly she is not interested, so stop persisting.  Please take the hint and save yourself the shame of her just straight coming out and saying “I’m just not interested in you!”, or something even more embarrassing.  Truth is, boyfriend or not if a girl is even remotely interested or finds you attractive, she won’t automatically revert to the “I have a boyfriend” defense.

…if she’s not responding to your texts or calls soon enough. When a girl is into a guy, she is usually very attentive to her phone. When you send a text message, she probably reads it as soon as she got it, and if you call, she will pick up if she can. If you get a delayed response, with no explanation for the delayed response, don’t get a response before you end up sending another text to her, or she replies very bluntly, she’s just not that into you. Then again she could just be playing that “let him chase me” game, and thinks it’s to her safety to keep you guessing. Give thanks to the guy she dated before you for this.

…if she sends you one-worded texts. Most girls hate receiving one-worded, or even one-lettered text messages. It’s annoying, why send another text just to say “k”? So, if a girl is doing this to you, that means she probably isn’t really wanting to carry on much of a conversation with you. You may occasionally get these types of texts, but if you are getting them constantly, then she just may not be that into you.

…if she’s letting you buy her drinks Just because a girl let’s you buy her a drink, does not mean she is into you.  This should be obvious in this day and age, but some guys are still oblivious to it. 

Situation: You are at a bar and a girl catches your eye; you approach her and either offer to buy her a drink right away or make small talk first then offer to buy her a drink.  She let’s you and you think, “awesome a chance to keep talking, hit the dance floor, and maybe even get a number”.  Most of the time, this guy is wrong.  The statistics are pretty high that women often will accept one drink from a random guy, maybe linger a little as gratitude for the drink, then give an excuse such as: “I’ll be right back I have to…..

  • “use the bathroom real quick”
  • “go grab my friend
  • “check on my friend”
  • “make a phone call
  • “go dance with my friends” …and so on and so forth

Even if you are a bartender, or a DJ, and the same girls keep coming back to your bar, consider this: do you always give her free drinks, or drink cards, passes, anything FREE?  Chances are if you have been, that is why she and her friends keep coming back to you. It’s not that they’re interested in you per say, but that they would rather go to the bar where they know they won’t be paying anything and can still have a good time.

…if she doesn’t occasionally offer to pick up the tab. When a girl is into a guy, she will at some point offer to pick up the tab. Or won’t even offer, will just beat you to it. If she never offers, always expects you to get it, or totally hesitates before she throws money in, she just may not be that into you. Girls like to take care of the guy that she likes, and if she actually does like him, she has an appreciation for him always picking up the tab, and will thus offer to herself.

…if she is using you for your hookups. So your friend works at a club and you can get that girl and her friends on the guest list cover free.  She takes your offer and shows up.  You are ecstatic, because this chick, who is all dressed up with her girls, actually showed up.  You are thinking she must be into you, she actually came, or you are glad it worked.  This doesn’t mean that she is into you and it could simply mean she was just using you.  Or maybe by not being interested in you, she was just naïve to your intentions and saw it as a generous offer.  Sometimes guys think they can win a woman’s heart by impressing her materialistically ….and sometimes, “girls just wanna have fun”. Along with this, try to catch yourself if you’re being led on by the girl. If your friends are trying to let you know this is happening then you should listen, because in the end its just humiliating to yourself.


“Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.”

He’s Just Not That Into You….

… if he’s not asking you out. An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of “ruining the friendship.” If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will. Men don’t forget how much they like you. So put down the phone.

…if he’s not calling you. If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do the same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do.

if he’s not dating you. Guys tell you how they feel even if you refuse to listen or believe them. “I don’t want to be in a serious relationship” truly means “I don’t want to be in a serious relationship with you” or “I’m not sure that you’re the one.” Better than nothing is not good enough for you! If you don’t know where the relationship is going, it’s okay to pull over and ask. Murky? Not good. There’s a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he’s your boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him.

if he’s having sex with someone else. There is no excuse for cheating. Let me say it again. There is no excuse for cheating. Now you say it. There is no excuse for cheating. Cheating is cheating. It doesn’t matter who it was with or how many times it happened. Cheating gets easier every time it’s done. It’s only hard the first time, when one feels the sting of morality and the guilt of betraying someone’s trust. A cheater only cheats himself, because he doesn’t get to be with you.

if he only wants to see you when he’s drunk. Drinking and drug use are not a path to one’s innermost feelings. Otherwise people wouldn’t smash empty beer cans against their skulls or stick their fingers in fire to see if they can feel anything. If he only wants to see you, talk to you, have sex with you, etc., when he’s inebriated, it ain’t love – it’s sport.

if he’s breaking up with you. You can’t talk your way out of a breakup. It is not up for discussion. A breakup is a definite action, not a democratic one. Breakup sex means you’re still broken up. Cut him off! Let him miss you.

… if he’s disappeared on you. He might just be lying in the hospital with amnesia, but more likely he’s just not that into you. No answer is no answer. Don’t give him the chance to reject you again. You’re too busy.

if he’s married (and other variations of being unavailable). Unless he’s all yours, he’s still hers! Don’t be that girl! Reset Your Standards. A standard is setting a level for yourself of what you will or won’t tolerate. You get to decide how it’s going to be for you. You can now design the person you want to be in the future, and the standards you want to have. Write your new standards down so you’ll never ever forget them, no matter how cute he is or how long it’s been since you’ve had sex. Make sure you know what you stand for and what you believe in. This is your life and your future and you have to hold yourself to high standards if you expect the same thing from him. When did it start being “OK” to settle?


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