“You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.” – Henry Drummond
Those moments where you have truly lived aren’t always going to be happy times but will include pain, suffering, learning & struggle. Those moments where you couldn’t be happier could be the start of the downfall or the pain & suffering you go through after you are brought back down to Earth is just the door opening to where or who you’re suppose to be with. Life isn’t going to be a “success” based on what you’ve accomplished, what you have but from the opposition you encounter and the courage you have to maintain the person you are no matter how overwhelming the odds are. We will always be challenged and we will always have obstacles to conquer.
Actions speak louder than words. Some actions speak louder than others. It’s funny and stupid how you can work so hard at something constantly throughout the years and an act of kindness can just destroy everything. I’ve been extremely lucky in having the career I’ve been in for 5 years now and there isn’t one day that goes by where I think I deserved it, but I’m sure as heck going to work hard at it. The friends I had throughout those years did I deserve them? No, but I worked hard everyday to keep them.
The first 3-4 years after high school were extremely fun times but looking back at it one day, those were some pretty dark regrettable days. I woke up one day and dropped everything. I quit my job and moved back home to restart. I was 22, those friends were gone and that entire year I did not have one drink. Was going to move to Seattle with a friend of mine without telling anyone and that morning my dad came into the garage, which was makeshift into my bedroom, with a 10-Day Job Contract. Quick, easy money in my mind…..10 days turned into 2 months turned into this is my career right now. Well I just went on a tangent so getting back on the subject….
Seeing those people close to me smiling and enjoying the time together is what makes me happy. Knowing I was better off financially and seeing the struggles they had going through school, low paying/low hour jobs I gave back without hesitant. Picking up tabs, saying things cost a lot less than what they actually were so we could have the biggest group possible wherever we went, etc. I often played it off that I was better off than I was because I don’t put a price on happiness. The struggles I had to go through without anyone’s knowledge was something I wouldn’t think twice about doing. Taking days off without actually having it paid was not something I was going to let any of them know. Seeing the smile on their faces is what I cared about. Being there beside them to visit their loved ones far away, being a friend they needed around for the day, visiting a friend because they are having a difficult time coping, birthdays, holidays…. It made me smile. Something that felt true and real, especially after those “dark” years.
I’ll have a bad day where all this stress collides and a friendship falls apart. Moved on and another moment comes where it feels like everything is dropped in front of you on your desk and something else falls apart no matter how hard you have worked to keep it. You make a decision one day to help a friend out to save something more precious & valuable knowing the consequence is going to be negative. You carry that with you for the rest of your life and you work hard to make sure it stays that way. You believe you have become friends with someone and have gotten to know them and see how they act in certain situations or see how they come out of them. You make the undoubtedly correct decision to attempt to help them and you get put on the stand. Those moments where you come to the realization that maybe that “true friend” was actually an acquaintance is rough to deal with.
Ever since this day happened, my friends from the past have come back into my life and it’s like a day has not gone by. Of course the circumstances are different now amongst the group. We have our careers, we live in different states, we have wives, fiances, girlfriends and children….. So our times together are short and sweet, casual… days, weeks, months apart. Not once has it come up throughout all these years when I left to now about what I did. There was acceptance and them knowing the person that I am and vice versa. These past 3 months have been the best times since high school and I have grown up a lot in this time which I came to see was stunted for a period of time.
You will learn for yourself one day that things change, people change. Don’t forget about the past and treasure those memories. Don’t try to cover it up and just move on. You will learn to let go, which doesn’t mean giving up. You have just finally accepted you’ve been fooling yourself and you realize that some things weren’t meant to be. But don’t change who you are.