Hey Jealousy

I did something today that was only the third time I’ve ever done so and the first time in this circumstance. Which pretty much any circumstance I do it in, if I happen to do so in the future, will be the first time.

This morning I was asked on my (formspring.me/stormbringer) website if I had ever been jealous of anyone or anything. I didn’t answer the question but I knew the answer right away ‘cos I still remember it and thought about it for most of the morning. The answer is yes I have been jealous, only once and I didn’t like it. I don’t understand the reasoning behind being jealous or trying to make someone jealous.

Like for instance, being jealous of someone’s life. For this subject I always like using the quote “If you have a fear of dying, then you have a life worth living.” I don’t think, no matter what a person says, you can honestly say you don’t have a fear of death. People talk a lot, especially in high school about clicks, about being jealous of how many friends somebody has or who so and so is dating. Even if you have only one friend, isn’t that enough? Just to have somebody you can talk with about anything, share anything with. Maybe that one person is even your girlfriend, boyfriend, fiancé, wife or husband. I don’t get being jealous about that, however I can see using that as maybe a motivation to go do something you haven’t done before or have been scared to do.

When I actually became jealous of someone, a year ago, it was something I hadn’t felt before. With being well intoxicated that same night I told that person. But what I didn’t know, which would have made me not say anything at all and most likely never would have, was that a friend had expressed his feelings to the same girl….. Growing up with the group of guys that I did, I developed this “code” that if a friend had any kind of feelings for a girl that she is off-limits. Because of that, this situation also became the first time I ever regretted anything.

Then last night my roommate was talking about how hard it is to change your reputation with people you’ve known for over a decade and then going out and meeting someone different and not in the group. Pretty much just ending up being in the “friend zone”. Made me think about how long does it take for someone to create an image of themselves that their friends see them as. Also, what missed opportunities there are because of this since maybe your decision is affected. It could be because you don’t want the possibility of losing that friendship or just changing the aspect of friendship if the relationship doesn’t go well. But, as that is a risk, you also have the risk of losing someone you could have been happy with the rest of your life.

Another thing I don’t do when it comes to finding a girlfriend is playing the game. Yeah, that’s not happening with me. It has nothing to do with going after someone you want bad enough that you’re willing to do anything. I get that girls like being “chased” but it doesn’t seem like it goes both ways. That whole equality thing screws with me I guess.

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